The Whole Time? is a graphic novel about how I found out I have ADHD at the age of 23.
The story I wanted to tell was not about what ADHD is or what its symptoms are — this is a personal story about what it feels like to suddenly grasp the reason behind my struggles in life that I had been blaming myself, and getting blamed, for.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition whose symptoms include inattention, forgetfulness, and impulsivity. It can impact one’s ability to perform well in various social situations. Those with ADHD tend to burn out more quickly, have a difficult time to make and maintain friendships, take control of one’s financial situation, amongst many others.
ADHD is extremely responsive to treatment with excellent outcomes seen in most patients. However, it is widely undiagnosed in women, AFAB individuals, people of color, and other minorities. Having undiagnosed ADHD leaves people without access to knowledge, treatment, and support, making them more likely to develop anxiety, depression, end up in financial debt or in abnormal relationship patterns.
I created this novel while waiting to see a private specialist for diagnosis, as I was reflecting on the ways ADHD had shaped my self-perception for most of my life. It is an exploration of all the emotions that came along while processing the difficulties, suffering and blame that my past self and childhood self have went through unnecessarily.
“The Whole Time ?!” is a manifestation of a process of grieving the person I could have been, had I known I had ADHD the whole time.
